Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
