Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
