Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
