the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
