I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
