Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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