xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
