Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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