you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
