Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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