im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
