Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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