She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
