I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
