oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
