Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
