I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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