Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
