you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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