to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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