we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
