i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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