hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
