i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
