He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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