i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
