Quick, to the slutcave!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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