remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
