You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
