This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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