No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
