I'm so fucking centered right now
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
