so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
