Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The air taste purple.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
