mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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