I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
