Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
