So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
