Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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