He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize