I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
