anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
