happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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