i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
