I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
