Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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