My cat gives me a boner
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
