Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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