just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
