So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
