You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
